. . . . (onmyowntoolong) wrote in svucc,
. . . .
onmyowntoolong
svucc

happy *bleeping* st. patrick's day everyone!

A friend of mine decided to add joy to my day by sending me this link:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2848185/1/



I'll tell you what the elongated, fast-swimming cephalopod mollusk with ten arms will do when olivia is rebuked..... THEY'RE GOING TO BUY A DICTIONARY, LEARN HOW TO SPELL & THEN PRAY TO EVERY SAINT THAT WILL LISTEN FOR COMMON SENSE!

All of a sudden Olivia fell back and didn’t get back up.

“Olivia wake up”

“OMG Liv”


I love it when authors use netspeak in their stories.

The rest of it I'll leave for you all to read and judge.
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“Liv we have to investigate you’re rap.”

“Ok”

[...]

“Captain its Elliot”

“What is wrong?”

“It’s Liv”

“What is wrong?”

OMG i hope they call the bus in time so poor olivia will not die because of all what is wrong with her and i hope the blood she bled was not too much blood because then she would die from her rap.

{rapped, eh? i've heard some bad rap music in my time, but nothin that had quite such an extreme effect on a person...}
I think my brain just exploded. Ignoring every other painfully inaccurate word in this story, I have to ask why it is exactly that Olivia is investigating her own rape. I'm sorry, that should be her own rap
LAWL!

I'll MST this later tonight. It's just... too... easy.
I love how the Cragen felt the need to tell the entire squad about the 'rap.' Way to be, Cap.

And it's awesome that it's rated 'K.' What with all the rapping.
Maybe she thought the ratings were in reference to her writing level... you know... she writes like a 5 year old... so her writing is rated accordingly? Perhaps it's just a fantastic flash of self-knowledge.

Or maybe she just thought changing rape to rap made it less inappropriate for children.

:goes to spork self for reading the stupid thing:
If you want a change of pace, and some really intentionally funny stories, look up the svu gang in preschool on ff.net. I can't remember the author's name but she's a TWoPper who writes mock-bad stories.
I got a kick out of this "review:"

nice story lefty it is really really cool

peace out home dog


No punctuation. No caps. Birds of a feather...
You know what's the scary thing?
The author could very well be a college student. They can spell 'investigate' but they can't spell 'rape?'
All the laughter is making the alcohol go down faster.
“Elliot did you know anything about Olivia being rapped?”
"Of course i did, Captain," Elliot replied, "Didn't you ever read Poetry Slam?"

“Liv watch you back please”
“I will I promise…”
“Liv I mean it please”

"I don't believe you really mean it; how about grovelling a little more?" Olivia said loftily.

”Olivia what is wrong?”
“Nothing what ever let’s just go”
Olivia went back to the car while Elliot called Cragen
“Captain its Elliot”
“What is wrong?”
“It’s Liv”
“What is wrong?”
“She is reliving everything that happened to her

...only my psychic powers took a few minutes to kick in."


This story brought tears to my eyes. What an accurate title.
Sweet baby Jeebus. Every time I read "rapped" I could only think of the scene in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory where the squirrels are looking for bad nuts by rapping on them. Images of Olivia being attacked by hoodlum squirrels made this story work for me. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for chapter two. Ooh! Can't wait to see how that blood transplant goes! ::falls over::