So the writing isn't terrible. The story is a bit...out there.
I got to a certain part in the 2nd chapter (I won't spoil it for you) and had to stop reading. Ew. *shudders*
Olivia smirked in the direction of Frankie. - Makes me think of "I fart in your general direction." Just take out "in the direction of" and say "at."
followed behind making sure that either Terri or Marti would lock up her apartment when everyone was gone. - Why doesn't she just do it herself? Why wait to see her friends do it?
“I’d like to propose a toast,” - *...to Maureen's noble try. It went well! Go to hell!* - Sorry, I read that line and sang all of "La Vie Boheme" to myself before I realized I should continue reading.
And all the "thank yous" are a bit annoying. Really not necessary. Just send them a PM.
Okay, my turn is over.